My first week of the Biggest Blogging Loser went fine. I lost four pounds which is generally the amount of crab legs I usually crack through at the Chinese buffet. I worked out (once), ate food that wasn’t carved off the side of a slow-roasted apple-biting pig. I also lipsticked a heart onto my bathroom mirror then realized that I really hate it when people in movies use lipstick to write messages on mirrors because lipstick is expensive and that crap is so hard to clean! Where’s the scene when the leading lady takes a ballpeen hammer to her smudged-fire-engine-red reflection because it’s easier to just buy another mirror than it is to clean this large proof of bad ideas?
Also! I learned of this AMAZING 1984 movie called Heavenly Bodies, which I never watched because there’s a scene in it with boobs and since I was only one at the time it was released, it would be unlikely my mom would let me watch something that wasn’t Cinderella. So my childhood was robbed of this important work:
Think how different my life would be if I had learned of a world that pulsates to the rhythm of rock and romance!
And this song! It’s going to be on my iPhone’s repeat for a looong time. Save me a space in the jazzercise class, friends! I have my legwarmers ready to release the beast in me!