Nathan’s teacher tells him to frame his emotions in terms of “high engine” or “low engine.” For the easily distracted, train-worshipping boy, this gives him some awareness of how he is feeling. Is he an energized, out-of-control high engine, or is he a calm low engine? It’ll be a while before he uses that self-audit for good and not to drive me to crush Lunesta tablets into my coffee.
Yesterday, I was a low engine. I was shaken after my poor parenting. My engine didn’t have enough power to yank a hobo off your mother. I apologized to Nathan and I don’t know if he understood what I meant, but i needed to tell him that I was scared he might hurt himself. I’ll do better next time.
But there are good things in my near future, specifically my today and tomorrow future. Tomorrow is my birthday and because I was born on the other side of the international date line, I am going to start celebrating today.
Tomorrow I am taking the day off and going to a fancy spa where I will have the following: a massage, facial, scalp treatment, time in the hot rocks sauna and a mango smoothie! I haven’t had anything this luxurious since my 25th birthday. My massages have been a heavy four year old walking on my back and even then, it’s mostly my yelling at him to not jump off or on me. Walk on my pressure points and get your feet off my head. Don’t they teach you reiki in preschool!?!
I have salivating over this day. One day where it’s all about meeeeeeee!
I will have time in the afternoon to be all by myself before I have to pick up the husband and kids and then we will traipse through Seattle getting everything free I can get on my birthday (Red Robin burger, Dairy Queen ice cream cone–though I probably won’t eat it since I HAVE LOST NINE POUNDS. This is according to the scale at the gym. The one at home says eleven but it sees me more often and knows what I need to pick me up in the morning.)
But what should I do between 1-5? Cruise the ICU with my geriatric-luring self (“You definitely are the Greatest Generation!”) Watch Black Swan? Sit in front of a mirror and say, “You so fine girl?” Your ideas would be a gift!