I’m finally at the end of The Longest Cold Ever. There’s a bit of residual yuck sticking around but I no longer am experiencing the sinus pressure so awful I want to pluck my eyeball out with a melonballer.
I wondered if I would never be able to smell anything again, my habit of imagining the most extreme of whatever situation I am in at the moment.
I like to extreme it up, to take my boring Starbucks drive-thru experience to the X-Level, wondering what would happen if the Venti mocha latte spilled on my lap and seared my thigh skin off and I couldn’t hold my baby until I healed and when my coffee burns finally subsided into thick red patterns, TJ would be in therapy blaming his skulduggery on the fact that his mother didn’t hold him.
I’m sure he’ll end up in therapy for other reasons like how I like to hold him in public because a large baby hides my post-partum belly sag and babies make awesome frontal accessories when your spanx girdles have outworn its elastic life.. It’s true!
I had read about a woman who lost the ability to smell anything and I imagined that even when the cold went away, I wouldn’t be able to smell my baby’s feet again or the fancy lotion samples from Sephora I’ve been rationing to myself in microscopic drops because I’m not going to ever spend the $100 on the full-sized tube.
But now that the world of smells is returning (which sadly includes full diapers and unwashed dudes on the bus) I can move on to other matters like my weight loss which as of this writing is 17.6 pounds. Seventeen pounds! That’s the size of humongous overfed cats and newborn babies that make the record books and other things that weigh seventeen pounds. But in my life it means I’ve gone down a dress size and now I no longer have to look at Target bedding as an option for clothing because nothing else would fit. I’m thinking that when I hit my goal weight, I’d like to buy myself an iPad 2. Now that I’m losing weight, I don’t have to look for gadgets with a wide-lens or filters that replaces my face with that of a super cute 11-month-old baby.