On Friday morning around 12:30 AM, I will call my sister, my family’s official royal watcher and our wedding commentary will commence. My sister Bobbie has a Cray computer-sized database on every royal European family member. In her brain are files of who is married to whom and of those couples, who are the commoners. She knows what they did before they were wooed by the royals. She knows how many children are in each family, what the customs are, what their names mean, what work they have had done.
I don’t have nearly that amount of information in my brain. My head is too crammed with other important information, like Babysitter Club plotlines, what packages I’m expecting from Amazon or where I keep my keys. Or the last place I kept my keys, where was the LAST place you had your keys, Mona?! Think! THINK!
The other day, my sister said, “Mona! You could have had a chance!” Meaning, that I had some sliver of a hope that I would have been accepted into St. Andrews and won the heart of Prince William. I’m sure I would have been denied acceptance based on the fact that I try to cut things with a fork when I’m too lazy to get up and grab a knife (Just put some muscle into it!). Also, what would I do when I finally met the Prince? Would he size me up and then utter the words that any girl would be lucky to hear: “ARE YOU HERE TO REFILL MY DRINK?”
I’ve mentioned before that my sister is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I love her very much even though, sometimes my sister will offer me advice out of nowhere, especially if it’s about my skin or clothing. Like, “Do you need moisturizer Mona for your scaly skin?” even though I hadn’t mentioned my skin at all, I was just talking about the Royal Wedding cake that’s made out of rainbows. Still, I am very much looking forward to sharing this experience with her, even if it means I will be up at 12:30 AM PST to get the BBC coverage before moving onto the American channels.
That’s how committed I am. I’m getting ready to order my Royal Heirloom Ring and tell my family my new line:
Will you be watching the wedding?