I have lost 18.8 pounds since the beginning of January. I reprogrammed my entire diet. I did away with Diet Coke. I brewed my own coffee instead of resorting to fatty (and heavenly!) mochas. My food rules were simple: stick to low fat, high protein foods like tilapia and cod, select vegetarian options in restaurants and don’t eat after 7 pm. It wasn’t drastic like all meat or no dairy or only eating chicken when the Seattle Mariners win (so, pretty much never). It wasn’t hard to implement.
I still had the occasional chips and salsa or coconut macaroon or spoonful of nutella. But I enjoyed all those meals. I didn’t take them for granted and I adjusted what I would eat later that day and for the rest of the week. I lost about one to a pound and a half a week, a slow but manageable progression.
I saw the most change in the clothes I was able to fit into. When I went shopping at the thrift store, I could buy clothes that didn’t say Property of Woodland Park Zoo on the tag because its previous owner was an elephant.
This weight loss has been mostly because of food, eating fish and spinach instead of the whole steamy aluminum tray of Chinese buffet crab legs. There has been minimal exercise. would not rather not shovel fruity pebbles in my mouth and wash it down with the syrupy rainbow milk still in the bowl if it means I don’t have to run seventy miles to burn off those calories.
So here am I now, afraid of the weight creeping back on and I’ll have to return to the Elephant Consignment Shop because human clothes can’t fit me.
I know I have to ramp up my routine and finally burn some energy off. Even after losing the bit of weight I did, I still am so out of shape.
Last week my coworker and I walked around during our lunch break. Even though she had eaten a steak wrap before we headed out, she still outpaced me. I spent most of the walk huffing and watching her move in front of me while she smoked my weak self. I was so tempted to duck into the nearest coffee shop and yell while planting my hands on my knees, my sweaty, bent over body only able to wheeze to the barista: “GIVE ME A BROWNIE! NO NEED FOR A BAG! JUST STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!”.
It’s going to be different and much harder to lose the rest of the weight so the next time I’m at the zoo I’m not shot with a tranquilizer dart to the neck because the sight of my gargantuan body led everyone to believe that an elephant has escaped and will trample anyone blocking her path to the 8.99 all-you-can-eat crab legs and cream puffs.