flossing like ivana

I first listened to this very not-safe-for-work video by self-proclaimed rap beast Kreayshawn. Even though the lyrics ride against my feminist leanings, I do love its catchiness and how opposite it is from everything in my life. She’s young, creative, tattooed and could probably reduce me to tears by mean mugging me. Just like everyone I was scared of in junior high!

Kreayshawn can wear Minnie Mouse headbands and large Fred Flintstone hoodies and look very advant-garde, but on a woman of my dinosaur-sized frame, I would look like I am homeless. The only freestyle in my life is my breastpump: the Medela Freestyle. I wouldn’t fit into a group of weed-smoking, tattooed gals and gents who wouldn’t have an answer when I tried to break the ice with: “So how do you guys know each other? Were you in the National Forensic League, too? Lincoln-Douglas debate camp? Junior Statesmen of America?”

Plus, I would have to rewrite the lyrics to: “Gucci, Gucci, Louis, Louis, Fendi, Fendi, Prada! I can’t wear any of the those brands because I can fit nada!”

Drew has the minnie mouse headband. I’ll take the feather rat tail and thick-rimmed glasses. “I got the swag and it’s coming out my ovaries!” is exactly what BlogHer will be this year. Can’t wait!

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  1. AAAHHhhhahahahahh!!!!!! “so…how do you guys know each other? You guys wanna come over to my house and watch a friend’s marathon??? My mom bought pop!!!!!”
    Melina recently posted..The Cinnamon Slab

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