So I’m training for the Hell Run in a few weeks, along with my sister friend Rebecca who already ran a similar event called the Warrior Dash. She is also a vegetarian, a martial arts expert, and holds a Ph.D. And though you don’t need to have a stellar academic career to participate, it speaks to how both mentally and physically she is prepared to handle a 5K on steroids whereas up until recently, strenuous exercise was sprinting for the bus and trying not to breathe heavily into the phone as I complete my pizza order.
The Couch to 5K app on my phone has been amazing. It’s the perfect pace and I build up from the previous day. It makes me hopeful when I’m able to complete a short run without needing the Seattle Fire Department to rescue my passed out self. I only wish it could have told me how to turn the treadmill on because that was embarrassing pecking at the machine for what felt like an eternity like I was a laboratory monkey and the scientists were observing what happens when you place a 28-year-old woman in front of an expensive piece of equipment she had always passed on because it was too intimidating.
Thanks to C25K, I’m able to pull from my music collection as I work out. My playlist is filled with sexy beats with inane and misogynistic lyrics. I’m not dissecting the anti-feminist threads, I’m trying to lose weight and are there few more well-equipped to steer that effort than Ludacris, whom I’ve already designated as my pretend political advisor even though his only job would be to yell, “CHAMPAGNE FOR MY CAMPAIGN!”
I don’t read either because I get dizzy easily trying to focus on the small print while keeping myself from dry-heaving on the treadmill. Besides, I strain my mind all day at work, I’m not in the mood for the New Yorker. I’m in the mood for magazines that lure me into thinking that celebrities are just like the common folk because they are spotted with the same designer bag or more shockingly, they carry their own yoga mat. All by themselves! We are kindred spirits!
I’m loving my energy level and how my body is returning to a shape I haven’t seen since my early 20s. I put on a pair of expensive white pants from 2003 and they fit. I know they were from 2003 because that’s before I had kids and my lifestyle allowed me to buy clothing that was white! Like I wasn’t expecting little humans to use my clothing as a full-body napkin. Oh youth.
Still, I’m loving this direction and I cannot wait until tonight when I get to do this again.