Nathan’s older sister

Next month is my birthday and since I only get better with age (like wine! and other things that age well! Diversified Stocks? I wouldn’t know! Sounds like a good answer!) I am on the hunt for a dress to mark the occasion. Aside from birthday dress searching, I made a decision earlier this year that the only clothes I would add to my wardrobe would be outfits that answer a resounding YES to questions like, “Do I look like Nathan’s older sister, not his mom?” I have enough black suits and gray dresses for work, but outside the office, I need something that speaks to my constant longing for someone–anyone–to yell, “HEY GIRL!”

I want my outfits to have a soundtrack and I want that soundtrack to be: APPLE BOTTOM JEANS! BOOTS WITH THE FUR! WITH THE FERRRR!

Thank you Dorothy Perkins for not having the above leopard print drape dress in stock. Though where would I wear such a fine ensemble? The Streetwalkers Convention? The Ladies of the Night Charity Gala? The monthly PTA meeting?

I like the idea of this dress from Forever 21, but I haven’t had much success with any other than their jewelery. The shirts and dresses pill and I’m sure after a few wears, only one shiny spangle will be left on and I will look like a washed-up mermaid, smoking a Winston at a casino lounge and tonguing the rim of my glass to get the last few legs of scotch. I will look up from my hunched over pose only to remark to the other bar patrons, “It’s my birthday! Who wants to buy me a draaaank?”

My biggest problem is that I can’t identify with that description, a 5’9″ model who wears a size small. I need a 5’4″ model who wears a size small only when she curls herself into a ball and uses her knees to stretch out a shirt. I need to find a model who will hear a stranger’s wolf whistle and carries that pitch home until she’s alone in front of the mirror because only then can she replay that sound and weep softly to herself, “I STILL HAVE IT, DON’T I!?”

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Comments

  1. I love sequin but I also love animal print. I think you’ll rock either. ROTFL. Honey, I love your sarcasm and jokes. PS -you don’t have to be 5’9 to rock a dress. Your body is bangin! šŸ˜‰

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