I cannot tell you how happy I am to be leaving this city for a few days. I just spent a week with my kids and while I love them very much, I haven’t had much time to myself or any time when I wasn’t lying on the stairs so these punks can use my body as a slide. Seriously, they took turns awkwardly (and painfully) tumbling down my body because what am I here to do on this earth other than serve as entertainment for my boys?
I am packing and I know I won’t have enough clothes or the right clothes or I’ll leave my makeup in some airport and won’t that be someone’s (who doesn’t have a lot of issues with germs–eccck) mediocre day? I hate packing because I just want to take everything with me but I can’t because I don’t want to pay $$$ to check in a bag only to fill it with what: seven pairs of shoes, two pairs of underwear (flip it over! Just kidding, I don’t wear underwear! JUST KIDDING MOM!!), and enough makeup to stage Priscilla Queen of the Desert in the airport terminal. This time, I’m just taking a few outfits, leaving my honking camera at home, and hoping that if I forget my travel hairspray, some kind ladyfriend will say, “Here girl, you look like you need it.”
When I was growing up on Saipan, my mom made us go to the airport two hours early even before you had to do that. So I spent a long time roaming the tiny Saipan International Airport Duty-Free and oogling things I did not know about and still can’t afford like cognac and vodka and why was I only looking at the alcohol, I was a kid.
If I could go back in time, I would point Young Mona to a case of Bud Light and say, here girl. Don’t drink this now, but when you are 21, start on these and not the frou-frou pansy drinks because it comes with fruit and an umbrella and you will hold it above your head and say drunkenly, “LOOK I AM A GIANT!” or whiskey and coke because it’s easy to say and it’s hard for you to order anything under pressure and don’t give me that look I AM YOUR FUTURE SELF. I KNOW THESE THINGS.
Future Mona: With the maturity of Young Mona and enough money to buy cheap alcohol and nail polish stickers with pink skulls on them.