Everything I want costs $200

I have a list of material items that range from VERY IMPORTANT/MUST HAVE to I HOPE PEOPLE LOVE ME MORE IF I BUY THEM. Somehow, they all float around the $200 mark which wouldn’t be a problem if I had all the money in the world but instead I have two very needy children (Oh the fountain of needs!) and a house that I would like to keep lit and warm.

1. My mom’s annual trip to Guam (Around $180)
Every year I buy my mom a plane ticket from the island of Saipan to the island of Guam. It’s a fast flight, like almost 40 minutes long. The plane is tiny, the size of a hallway with no separation in class (hey rich people, you get to sit with me now!). Back when I visited Saipan in March, the last flight I took before I got home was that same Guam-Saipan route, only I had TJ on my lap. Luckily, I saw a cousin who was awesome enough to take one of my huge bags and stow it under the seat in front of him because there was no space.

This flight is incredibly important because it always celebrates my mom’s birthday. My sister Bobbie pays for her own ticket, rents a car and the two of them spend the day on Guam, visiting various stores, stocking up on school supplies and getting things you can’t get on Saipan. Guam is the big city. There are more people, more stores and more than enough to keep my mom happy on her birthday. She will find something else to complain about for the other 364 days, but it won’t be this!

2. iPhone 5 ($200 upgrade, $50 cover)

November is my upgrade month, which I don’t understand why I had to wait so long. I bought my iPhone 4 in April of 2011 and then was told I couldn’t upgrade until November 2012, a million months later. I also cracked my phone twice. I had it fixed perfectly for $100 at JCD Repair because I don’t know how to do that on my own. I bought a pink Otterbox to cover it, but just last week, at a show I pulled out my phone and it fell on its face and the top part shattered. It still works and luckily, I can still take photos of myself (because really, that is the most important feature. How can I remember this bowl of noodles if I do not take pictures? How will I capture this rare moment that I only look slightly a hobbit and not full on Frodo?)

Part of me hates how attached I am to this, how I sleep with this phone and how I am a mess if I think I’ve forgotten it and how I would totally buy this JoeyBra if I could hold a Big Gulp in it somewhere. An extra cup? Don’t steal this idea! I’m going to patent it.

3. Nintendo 3DS ($169.00)

Nathan really wants this for Christmas and even though I hate giving my kid something better than what I had as a kid (two rocks to beat together! A stick I whittled into a doll! I was so happy!) especially since he’s six and wants to be rewarded for good behavior like when he’s asleep and doesn’t do anything malicious. Maybe next year he’ll discover sleep crime and then we’ll have to figure out another reward system like MY LETTING YOU LIVE ON THIS EARTH: GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING.

4. What I need to stay young forever (A MILLION BILLION DOLLARS)

Why do more and more of my beauty products say “anti-aging”? For the record, I am anti-aging but PRO-RIDES. Vote for me in November!

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  1. I can sew a pocket onto your regular bra for free. $20 saved!!

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