Last week, twitter suspended my account @kirida without any warning. My timeline froze, I couldn’t direct message, follow, unfollow or tweet. And I didn’t know why.
I read and re-read the help pages which mention that accounts are suspended due to aggressive following or un-following. I had unfollowed a number of people recently, mostly those with whom I had never had a conversation, or accounts that were inactive or had become spam. I was just trimming it down, I wasn’t death metal yelling while clicking my mouse. Cancer is aggressive, children high on sugar and ripping open Popsicle boxes for another fix are aggressive.
I am not aggressive.
Some of my kind friends asked what was up, using the #freemona hashtag which I found out was also the hashtag used for a jailed Egyptian activist and and dumb character on Pretty Little Liars. Also: why are Mona’s the worst on every TV show and movie? Mona is Roger Sterling’s wife whom he dumps for another woman. Mona is an awful woman played by Bette Midler who chops off her son’s hand and later drowns. Why did you do it Bette, star in a movie called DROWNING MONA? Why not Having Margaritas with Mona or Hugging Mona or Laughing at Mona’s Jokes II: She’s Had a Rough Night. Was it because I destroyed your song, The Rose, at every karaoke bar I’ve ever been to? Because it’s so good!
I couldn’t even look at twitter, including all of the BlogHer 2013 frenzy because Twitter suspended me. I’ve only been suspended from school twice, once in Catholic school because I skipped school (a total bust because my friend just went to her boyfriend’s house and made out while I was in another room reading a book about LA gangs).
I was wondering if I should just start a new account and try to get my almost 2K followers back somehow. Then I got this email:
gobeee, Jul 29 03:47 pm (PDT):
Twitter has automated systems that find and remove multiple automated spam accounts in bulk. Unfortunately, it looks like your account got caught up in one of these spam groups by mistake.
I’ve restored your account; sorry for the inconvenience.
Please note that it may take an hour or so for your follower and following numbers to return to normal.
I think that’s lame, to take my account away without warning then make me wait four days and call it a mistake. But I’m back and you can find my dumb jokes and parental musings right here.
Now if I could only get my phone back from the three-year-old who calls it, “MY PHONE!” yet pays no bills and is the one person I’m afraid will jack my phone and post pictures no one else should see. You know what I’m talking about.