Last night I attended the most fun cocktail competition sponsored by Espolón Tequila. It featured bartenders from around Seattle, competing against each other to create the best tequila cocktails on the spot. My favorite type of fights involve cocktails so of course I was eager to watch a most enjoyable type of combat: Cocktail Fights!
For each round, the competitors would be shown ingredients to be incorporated with the tequila (one guy had to use Mad Dog 20/20, another had olive oil) and in a few minutes they had to create cocktails on the spot. I can’t even create a meal on the spot unless I can use the microwave, so anything this fancy would be way beyond me.
One competitor was named Sean “Sempere Irresistible” which made me want him to win solely based on name puns. I love puns!
We got to place bets on the competitors using these “cock dollars.” You could use your winnings to pick up a branded t-shirt (which I did!) or a cocktail shaker (that, too! For my kid’s new sippy cup.) It was disappointing that they weren’t real currency outside the event. Yes, I would like to pay for this using these cock dollars. Okay, no need to call security, I’ll let myself out.
Guests were treated to three signature drinks. My favorite had pamplemousse and grapefruit which gave the tequila a nice tartness. The other two drinks were not sugary enough for me because I have the taste palette of someone who just bought a lot of bud light raz-ber-ritas on sale. (Because I did.)
I drank but I didn’t get the I just got a fake ID kind of wasted, despite what this picture says. I had sips of the competition drinks that came my way. You would be so proud of me, Mom! Then realize I was at a bar and not where I said I was, the Virgin Mary study group.
One fun part was that there were drinks set for the judges and the rest were passed around to the audience. I tried a drink with egg whites and I learned that I love drinks with egg whites! I didn’t think I would because I don’t like egg nog, but egg whites? Delicious! Warm and frothy with a peppery hint.
The only downside was my experience with tacos. I walked up to the serving line and this nice man made my tacos and I then put this sauce on it that was so hot I was eating it on a bed of lava.
It was labeled Medium, but it should have been Medium level of the sun. It wasn’t white man medium, like the guy trying to impress his Asian girlfriend at a Thai restaurant. Oh I’ll have two stars. Oh I can definitely handle this level of heat. I took an Asian studies class!
Here is the heat making its way into my innards. I thought I could scrape it off the way my kids make me scrape their tongues when they eat hot Cheetos but it wasn’t going to work. I went back to the man and said I made too spicy, could I have some more? He shook his head and said, “Only two tacos per person.”
I WAS TACO-CHECKED.
I wanted to pull that gentleman aside and say, let me tell you something, I may not look like it, but I have a brown mom, and I’m pretty sure you have a brown mom, and we both have brown moms, so I’m going to use the race (of moms) card because I need to eat two more tacos since it feels like I’m giving a rimjob to satan. Have you ever licked the dark lord, senor? NO ME GUSTA.
But I didn’t make a stink about it (other than here on this blog where I’m free to stink it up!) I left to get a burger and fries that were not made of evil sauce.
Then I made it back to the event to watch more drinks being made, people taking selfies and kind attendees talking to me like I wasn’t the resident Old Mom, secretly shazaming songs so I could later add it to my running playlist and sipping slowly on my drinks so I could make the night last as long as it could.