I attended the Beyonce and Jay-Z concert in Seattle last week. Along with all the coolest people in the world. I stuck out like the one flower in a bouquet that you pull out because it’s wilting wayyyy too fast. Like everyone around me was a fresh beautiful flower with perky petals that haven’t breastfed two monster mouthed kids and there I was, the bouquet from the Faces of Meth shop.
It was a huge event, the second concert to be held at the baseball stadium. I am a very neurotic person because my mother was neurotic so when a concert starts at 8PM, I want to be there at 8PM the night before. What if there’s no parking?! What if we lose the tickets? What if someone calls me fatty-fatty-fatso-can’t-get-through-the-bathroom-window?
And then the cycle of what if’s continue until I find an expensive beer that helps calm those fears.
The brewery across the street had the longest line to the ladies room. The girls behind me were strategizing with each other, “Are you going to pee or just look at the mirror?!” And there was no soap so I offered some of these young ladies hand sanitizer and another one my Tide to Go pen when she noticed a stain because even in the coolest place on earth, I am the mommest mom ever to mom it up. Luckily, my highwaisted jeans have big pockets for all the supplies I’ll need. Gather around girls, no one is getting any germs when I’m here!
You know, this actually doesn’t sound too bad of a price for one parking spot. We paid $35 nearby. A block before it had been $15 and there were donuts for sale. I could have bought a lot of donuts.
I also met up for a bit with my friend Rachel Gabrielle. You cannot tell in this photo, but I am standing on my tippy toes so she doesn’t look like a giant and I don’t look like a little hobbit. I only look part-hobbit in this. I’m in the Shire some months of the year. But Rachel is still as beautiful as ever and I had so much fun talking to her about Bey and Jay.
When I entered, some people were passing out pamphlets about the dangers of eating meat. Luckily, there was a recycling bin at teh entrance and I tossed mine immediately. There was a very beautiful young lady who looked at me and said, “Oh I feel the same way.” and I yelled back, “YOU ALSO ATE TOO MUCH OF A BURGER?!” and then she turned around so my crazy old lady vibes wouldn’t ruin her night.
I loved the people-watching, especially at the ground level below where people paid wayyyyy more for tickets that didn’t include obstructed views. There was a special pit from the cognac D’usse which I kept saying, “Oh these rich peeps with Dooooo-saayyyy, looking good trying to get some pooooo-saayyyyy!” MC MONA! making people feel uncomfortable since ever since.
The show started about an hour late, but once it did, I couldn’t help screaming, “OH MY GOD! NO, I’M OKAY! I’M OKAY! NO, I’M NOT! AHHHHHHH!”
This woman is an ICON. I’ve loved Beyonce back when she was in Destiny’s Child, opening her fridge for MTV Cribs then saying no because, “It ain’t neat!” There weren’t any songs from that period, but it was okay. I love her voice. I love her moves. I love how her hair flows in the wind and now I know that to look that good, I’ll have to get some stadium-powered fans to follow me everywhere.
The number one fashion trend: short denim cut-offs, crop top and a flannel print shirt tied around the waist. Way to be unique, ladies! I’ve only seen SEVENTY MILLION of you!
I do have to applaud all the young ladies and their super awesome shoe game. The heels were high and FIERCE. Even though, my mom side would say, “Pack some flats, girls. This is a stadium! There are stairs!”
As people exited the stadium, I noticed a lot of angry faces, maybe from the pain of stilettos and platform wedges. And then there were others who just took off their heels and succumbed to the barefoot walk on the dirty Seattle streets until they got to their car and headed home to wash those blackened feet.
Overall, it was a phenomenal, religious experience. I just had my iphone which is terrible for long shots, especially from my far off distance. I found this video above, which highlights the best part of the concert: the home movies. I know there are a lot of rumors about a potential split, but I don’t buy into that. Even if they are performers and this is what they work so hard to showcase, I saw some sweet moments. Her flag dress train wrapped around her for a bit because of all the fans and he held it while she sang, “Halo.” And oh man, the way she sang Halo is how I feel about love and being in love. I am rooting for love, for two people in such a crazy world like this to find each other and fall in love and then go on the run like it’s the two of you against the world.