Not just march madness

It’s almost April and that means I’m going to be a mother soon. I need a couple more months. Let’s do the second trimester over, I liked that time. There was no sickness, no protruding belly, minimal panic. I was just getting used to the idea of being pregnant, of a living lentil bean swimming around in my barely-there womb.

I get asked a lot about the nursery, this Shangri-la that I’m supposed to have erected by now. But there is no nursery, folks. There are spaces I’m hoping will be cleared by the time I deliver. I drove out to Sammamish last week to buy a glider and ottoman. I told the woman that I’m due on the 29th and she said in a shocked gasp, “Oh you’re so close!” as if by not buying the chair sooner, I had already screwed myself. Why do I have to have a nursery? Couldn’t I just construct something out of boxes and dairy crates and hope the boy grows into it? Boys love forts, don’t they?

And because it’s almost April, it’s almost time for my own mother to invade my life. Many have commented that it’ll be a good thing to have my mother around. I agree. I’ll need the help. However, this is my mother we’re talking about. The woman steals menus that have pictures in them (Seriously! There’s a drawer on Saipan full of menus from Carrows and Shari’s) and she drinks her hot water from a bowl because “cups don’t hold enough” for her. She doesn’t agree with used clothing, which is why I won’t tell her about my midnight dives at the Goodwill donation bin. (That’s a joke. I wait till morning).

This pregnancy is really cutting into my “sitting down” time.

March 26, 2006 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

ocean shores

Mike and I spent most of the week at a nice little coastal town called Ocean Shores, about 125 miles or so away from Seattle. I titled the excursion our “babymoon” since it’s not our honeymoon and I’m knocked up. More on this and why I think God hates the state of Washington in a minute.

Random pregnancy babble:

-Having a baby take up space inside my body hurts, especially when he performs a piledriver on my bladder.

-There are more strange yet magical moments when the baby stirs. Sometimes he rolls like he’s in a rotisserie oven, other times he’s an extra in a break-dancing movie.

-A lot of people stare at my belly. I want to say, “Hey buddy! My eyes are up here!”

-So here’s what I thought would happen to my body but hasn’t: my boobs would enlarge to ginormous proportions. I mean, I’m happy with them, but I always imagined that when I became pregnant, they would be knocking up against my knees.

-I’m so fat (how fat are you?, the audience asks), I have to iron my clothes on the side of a hot boat. I also jumped up the other day and got stuck. That’s how fat I am.

March 26, 2006 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

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