how is that "vegan" thing going, mona?
Well, funny you should ask, blog title.
It’s not.
My vegan diet ended during our family reunion in California back in July, somewhere between the hotel breakfast buffet and the corndog stand at Disneyland. I had a good three-week run before I succumbed to the salty, processed and overpriced meat bi-products and it was a losing struggle after that. I still have all the wheat gluten flour and nutritional yeast in my pantry, probably going to storage with the other Y2K rations and books on how to live off the grid.
At first, I was so revved on a new way of eating that I was deliriously performing double fist pumps in the air. I had a new energy rushing through my veins. I lost weight. My skin looked phenomenal. I really believed I could continue a diet that had so much wonderful, immediate effects.
And then I got tired. I wasn’t eating meat or dairy products, but I wasn’t eating right. I got lazy. Then I started having seafood pangs. I could find substitutes for chicken and beef, but there wasn’t any vegan replica of raw fish. I love the meaty goodness of sashimi, something my Midwestern husband can’t stand watching. He also detests how I put ketchup on *everything* and mayo on hot dogs. But I’m a package deal and my condiment fetishes come with.
After I started eating meat again, I tried a variety of diet rules which fizzled and failed until I was back where I had started. I would only eat fish, but no chicken! I would only eat chicken, but no red meat! I would only eat red meat, but only on Tuesdays! I would only eat cheeseburgers, but only during Entertainment Tonight, and only when Mary Hart was hosting!
I’m glad I gave vegan eating a good college try, albeit a short one. I admire those who can keep up with something as strict as not eating cheese! Not chugging heavy cream! Not getting angus steak stuck between your teeth!
I’m also glad to be eating sweet, glorious meat like the Thanksgiving turkey I baked in only two and a half hours:
We didn’t have a platter large enough to fit the 18-lb bird, so we had to use an old lunch tray. Also featured in the photo is my vintage Pyrex bakeware which housed a heap of mashed red potatoes. It was not vegan.
How to cook a turkey with Auntie Marialani
I found this over on the West Seattle Blog forum, but I had to post it here. When you find something this hilarious, you have to share it with everyone you know. You know da kine, ya?


