Four Things Friday

1. If you were in Seattle this week and are alive today and reading this: Hooray for you! We survived! If you weren’t and were wondering if it was as hot as everyone was facebooking, twittering, blogging, IT WAS. I had to do three or four circle applications of deodorant and then I stick on some circle patches of Reynolds Wrap because I need all the aluminum help I can get. My friend Jen is saying that I should make my own deodorant because of these crazy things like cancer, but what am I supposed to do when I sweat? And I do sweat, not perspire, not glisten. When it gets over 85 degrees, I look like I just came out of a spicy shrimp buffet.

2. Zombies! I picked up this book: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and I LOVE IT. It’s strange and hilarious because zombies, or “unmentionables” as they’re called, nicely frame the class struggles and societal hierarchies and plus? THERE’S ZOMBIES! They’re not the running triathlon zombies of 28 Days Later, but rather, the more accurate shambling kind who only have the strength to pull themselves out of their graves and pick the brains out of unfortunate carriage drivers and manor staff. Please put down whatever ya-ya-sisterhood/bff/returntothewomb book and read this instead.

3. I went to Great Wolf Lodge last weekend. It is worth the money. One thing I did not mention in my review is what I went through to prepare for the water park, mainly my purchase of a black swimsuit from Costco. I forgot that Costco is not this secret shop for townies and locals because there were literally eight other women who probably had the same thought about the swimsuit (It’s black! It’s slimming!) and purchased it. Other than wearing carbon copy swimsuits, I wasn’t that self-conscious about my body, especially since there were some thick-curved sisters (yay) with only one or two women who could use their chests as flotation devices. But whatevs, I was the hottest birthmarked body there. At least that is what I am telling myself. In the mirror. While crying.

4. This photo illustrates what my life is like.

One of us wears the pants in this family; another wears the hats

July 31, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 6 Comments 

Kiridu’s and don’ts

kiridu and kirida

kiridu and kirida

I’ve offered my husband some space here because he doesn’t want to start a blog of his own, but he does want to share some tips on being married to a Chamorro woman and all the craziness that comes with it. And if you didn’t know, Kirida (kee-ree-dah) in Chamorro means “favorite girl,” and the word for “favorite boy” is Kiridu, (kee-ree-doo).

So presenting the first round from Kiridu: the Don’ts.

1. Don’t insult your mother-in-law’s pickled radishes even if it smells like someone’s ass.

2. Don’t make fun of your mother-in-law at the fish market when she keeps asking the clerk for salmon necks, and he replies “Sominex?”

3. Don’t be perturbed when a Pacific Islander tells you that they’ll be somewhere at 1:30 and they don’t arrive until four. They are always on island time.

4. Do not insult your wife’s cooking.

5. Do not insult your wife’s house cleaning “skills.”

6. Do not be offended when your wife asks you to share memories of the 1904 World’s Fair.

7. Do not respond to comment above with, You @!O%@#S:LK#(*!

8. Do not take it personally as the only haole in the room when people speak Chamorro for extended periods of time and you have no idea what they’re talking about.

9. Don’t forget to take off your shoes when you enter the front door of a party and add them to the waist-high pile of shoes that has collected from all the guests.

10. Don’t forget to tell your wife every day that you love her more than anything in the world.

July 28, 2009 | Filed Under Uncategorized | 6 Comments 

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