Saipan bound!

I’m going to Saipan! I’ve been broadcasting loudly about my trip to Saipan and the two comedy shows I will be headlining.

It’s a big deal. I am going home. I am going home to tell jokes. This is my dream.

My plane ticket has been generously sponsored by Delta Airlines who also was very kind to give my family a discount to pay for Nathan’s ticket. TJ had accompanied me on my last trip and now Nathan will be able to experience the magic that is my home for the first time.

It’s going to be a long journey over. The flight to Japan is 10 hours, then there’s a 6.5 hour layover, then the last flight to Saipan is 4 hours. I’ve bought some snacks, battery pack, the first two Harry Potter books for him and anything that will keep him from yelling on the plane, “I’M BORED!”

We’ll explore the Narita airport, the Pokemon store, and on and on. I might spring for the Delta Sky Lounge passes if we burn through activities quickly, but I’m sure there will be enough for us to do and there will be places to rest when we need to.  I’m excited for real deal sushi and sashimi, he’s excited to get some Pokemon cards.

I can’t wait. I am beyond excited. I want to go home, swim on a beach, order a Budweiser and not hear some Seattle hipster crap judgment, eat all the foods and be with my family, the people who made me who I am and why I tell so many jokes about them.

Saipan is so far away. The flights are long. The journey is endless. You stare out an airplane window and the view is a vast expanse of blue and white waves below. Sometimes there are clouds. Sometimes there is sun. My flight will arrive early in the morning when it is still dark and black outside. First I will see a few lights below then a few more patterns of life. Then there will be the shapes of farms and neighborhoods and then the descent begins and I will see all the glittery beacons of homes and cars and I will grab my son to look through that glass so he can witness the small kingdom we are entering and the tears are there because Mommy is home.

What makes me angry and what else is new, Mona?


I am very honored to be an Angry Reader of the Week! Angry Asian Man is a phenomenal site Other things that make me angry:

1. Stuck-up Seattle moms. Sub-categories: a) all of them

2. Target charging me $40 for a hoodie and a sweatshirt. Those are not Target prices. If I wanted to pay that much, I would go to a higher end store, not some place where I expect the clothes to last as long as those foam flip-flops the nail salon gives you when you try to wear them as real shoes.

3. The college student at the gym who wouldn’t give me an extra white towel and full-on towel shamed me with her reply: “Ughhhh! That’s only if you’re going to the sawwwwwhhhh-na!”

“Okay, I’m going to the sauna.”

“Ughhhhhh! you’ll have to come baaaaahhhhhcccck!”

So what angers me is that young, congested valley girl voice that is probably too clogged from inhaling wieners and gets to wield her white towel power over me. I am a married, tired, worn out mother of two boys. My voice is extremely clear.

4. Male comics who use their joke bits on me instead of speaking like a real person. The minute I hear, “Well, my smartphone is ignorant!” I *clap* am *clap* done *clap*

5. “You’re really [insert “compliment” I don’t care to hear] for a comedian”. I am here to be funny not to compete in a beauty pageant I sure as hell don’t belong in.

Things that don’t make me angry: my kids! Who extend their arms to me and yell, “Give me a huggie!” Or kiss me on the lips and forget that they were only going to give me five kisses and somehow lose count. Or love their mother despite how angry and petty and unnecessarily spiteful she can be because she hugs back, kisses more, and has taught to repeat on command, “Mommy, you’re so young and beautiful. It’s just not fair for the other moms,” because their compliments are the ones that matter. Even the ones I force them to say.

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